Apologies for the downtime. Since I’m able to post with more immediacy on facebook it takes away from my motivation to do longer posts here. Plus, I’ve stayed fairly busy as I adjust to life at home (verdict so far: awesome). My Foreign Service interview is next month, so I’ll know fairly soon whether the full-time fathering is going to be a short-term or longer-term endeavor. I’m really hoping I pass, but on the other hand, the fall back option– Ruben’s tantrums notwithstanding– is quite palatable as well.

The boys are developing nicely. We’ve reached detente with potty training, as Ruben generally asks for a diaper with #2, and does just fine using the toilet (or the nearest tree) with #1. He has used the toilet a couple of times though, as you’ll see below.

Ruben’s verbal skills are increasing rapidly, albeit humorously. Conversation earlier this month:

Ruben: Mine. I want it.
Anand: What?
R: This one (pointing in the direction of 100 things).
A: Which one?
R: THIS one (pointing more emphatically).
A: You have to use words Ruben. You have to say what it is.
R: WHAT IT IS.
A: Sigh.

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Rohan has a great temperament and is showing the telltale signs of a second born, crawling early and generally being mesmerized by all things big bro. Ruben is slowly, albeit begrudgingly taking to sharing, and usually treats lil bro nicely, other than occasionally sitting or lying on top of him. For this, I can’t really blame Ruben, given my longstanding tendency to do the same to my loved ones.

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This first video shows Ruben on the throne. One of the many videos he’ll thank me for posting years from now.

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Although I’ve been singing to the boys for some time, only now is Ruben old enough to start having preferences (beyond appreciating when I say “car”). It’s rather endearing the eclectic mix of songs he seems to like (influenced of course by dad’s eclectic taste). That should explain the progression from show tunes to the Pixies. And thank the flu mist for my nasally, tuneless effort.

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For the third video, a couple of notes:

1. Observe the awesome mini hoop in the background– have been waiting several years to have an excuse again to play ball in the house. With no one living downstairs at the moment, and Rohan curiously pacified by my shots on those rare occasions he gets grumpy, I’m forced to take full advantage.

2. Such a nice, if short-lived moment when the boys are playing quietly and harmoniously. Right after filming, I showed it to Ruben, who watched intently until he saw what Rohan was doing, and immediately ran over to snatch his toys back.

We had a great time in the states last month. It was by no means an easy trip however, between jet lag, and various plane and car rides, but we had lots of support and it was wonderful to catch up with so many friends and family.

To no one’s surprise, the boys are sprouting quickly. Rohan is approximately 66 cm (26 in) and 7.1 kg (15 lbs). 97th and 90th percentile respectively. Ruben is 99 cm (3 ft 3 in), at least according to the giraffe chart in his room.

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We are knee deep–not literally– into Ruben’s potty training. He’s been going–literally– for a week, and seems to have #1 down. Unfortunately, having watched dada take care of such business standing up (using the awesome built-in urinal w/ lid in our apartment), Ruben prefers this method as well. Fortunately, he is so darn tall he can actually do so into our toilet without a problem. As DPK says, he’s a giant–it’s not normal.

#2 on the other hand is proving problematic. After successful, ahem, deposits the first two days, Ruben has become frightened of the process and now holds it in with all his might, until he finally breaks down and lets loose wherever he happens to be. Although the mess is sufficiently gross, what’s really disturbing is the embarrassment and distress the boy feels as it happens. I would not have pictured a two year old so clearly feeling shame, but there is no doubt as you watch him struggle. Very sad.

The current reward incentives (shark stamps and gummi bears), though attractive, are apparently not enough to get him back on the toilet, at least yet. We’re still early in the process though. And otherwise, the boy is in great form, with a conversation explosion the last few weeks.

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The states were not good on Rohan’s sleep patterns, and thus on ours as well. In addition, K got sick, and the cumulative effect left us feeling unreasonably spent for much of the trip. Baby’s jet lag on return was rough as well, but we’ve gone full steam into sleep training, and he’s settled in nicely, sleeping b/w 9-11 hours at night without interruption for the last week. His daytime naps still leave much to be desired, but in my mind this is a welcome trade-off.

Rohan is both strong and obsessed with the world around him, to the point that he wants to sit up most of the time, even though he can’t really hold the position on his own just yet. And, he’s already started rolling over from back to front (which usually comes much later), so he can then look better at what’s going on around him.

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Here’s an assortment of pictures of us and many of our family and friends in North Carolina, Vermont, and Massachusetts. Thanks to everyone who made our trip both manageable and fun.

2009 Trip to the States Pics

And of course several videos for your enjoyment. First up, the beautiful Colchester Causeway, a four mile trail nee railroad line jutting into Lake Champlain. Beautiful at this time of year:

Next, we live on a pedestrian only road so we have a five minute walk from our parking spot. On Sunday mornings, as shops are closed and Saturday night revelers are fast asleep, the street is peaceful and empty. After our weekly trip to the (American) grocery, I let Ruben run home, and I’m proud to say he can really motor.

Finally, some lullaby time with baby Rohan as he winds down for night night.

Just a quick post before we head to the states for vacation. Steve, Conny, Linnea and Mateo visited last weekend, and we had a great time. Linnea and Ruben are now old enough to play with and against each other. Right now Linnea is the crafty instigator (being four months older has its advantages) while Ruben is a gentle giant, not realizing he’s got the size to fight back if he so chose. So when she’s in the mood, Linnea works Ruben over with toy-stealing and other barbs until he bursts into tears. Classic stuff.

That’s the minority of the time though. Mostly, they are thick as thieves, which is really fun to see.

Rohan has a great temperament during the day, with lots of smiling and cooing. At night, he does have his Mr. Hyde bouts, so I have to keep reminding myself during those dark moments of the Jekyll inside. Overall, he’s progressing nicely.

Here are various pics from the past couple of weeks: July 2009 Pics

As far as the video, antics while Ruben and Linnea enjoy a fine repast.

Seven weeks in and we’re plugging away. To my chagrin, Rohan has turned into a more normal infant, so we’re back to sleep deprivation with multiple wake-ups each night. It’s not as bad as with Ruben, but nevertheless we find ourselves occasionally lapsing into zombie-like behavior during the day.

For example, I left my keys in the car last week–very out of character. And today, Kirstin returned home with sweet treat: a tart for her, and an empty bag that once contained a Berliner donut for me, which she apparently was holding upside down and thus managed to deposit on the street for some lucky dog or desperate drunk. Ich bin kein Berliner…

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Random observations:

Although I’m not particularly enamoured with Kobe and this version of the Lakers, with Kobe adopting the cartoonish super-frown after big shots, he’s completed his transformation into my all-time favorite video game character.

Recently finished “Home Game”, by Michael Lewis (the guy who wrote Moneyball, Liar’s Poker, etc.). It’s a book about fatherhood, and all the things you’re supposed to feel contrasted with how it really works. Highly recommended for current or future dads.

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Picture time…My sis visited for a week and got a number of good pics.

And here are a few more from the last few weeks: June 2009 Pics

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As far as the video, several points to note:

–Conflicted brother Ruben affectionately holds the bottle for his brother, all while wrestling fratricidal demons. Jealousy, thy name is sibling.

– Thinking first that I’m taking a picture, Ruben adopts his patented squishy face smile.

– Ruben has sung the ABC song about a thousand times in the last month (mostly unprompted), and is clearly over it. It’s so evident he’s mailing in this performance I almost expected him to check his watch in the middle and say “geez dad, that’s so May 2009″.

– His annunciation is better than he lets on here, though he has a few quirks. Q is coon, W is daba. Random.

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And for the record, have done the better part of this post with one hand, as I try to rock the restless Rohan to sleep on my lap. Sleep deprivation is fine when it’s self-inflicted; otherwise…well, it’s a tired guy sitting in the dark losing feeling in his right leg but unable to move for fear of rousing the (currently) slumbering beast, blogging in part to pass the time.

But in spite of the absurdity of my current state, I love it. Partly for the sheer challenge of it, I’m sure. Nevertheless, all those parenting books with new families frolicking in idyllic meadows ought to consider including a shot of someone pretzeled like I am at the moment. Just saying.

Three weeks under our belt and all is well so far. Rohan isn’t quite sleeping as well as those first glorious (and hope-inflating) days, but he’s still getting about a five hour stretch each night. Plus, the summer sunlight makes things seem not quite as bleak at 5AM. Of course, it’s only been a few weeks, we’ve had lots of help, and I went to England for a few days last week. Perhaps I should give it another couple of weeks before declaring victory.

I’m happy to report three of my closest friends from childhood and college all had babies in May as well. Although it’s highly unlikely (and most regrettable) the four offspring will end up spending substantive time together, their arrivals made for an exciting month, and gave my buddies and I an excuse to talk regularly. Granted, we all stay in cursory touch, but remaining truly connected is near-impossible when distance, and quite frankly, life gets in the way. Anyway, it’s only going to be harder now that we all have infants, but it’s been a fun and nostalgic month, and Rohan, Melia, Devika and James are going to hear about it ad nauseum whether they like it or not.

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Ruben is slowly adjusting. He behaves in a most conflicted manner, interspersing kisses and affection for his little brother with tantrums and other regressive, attention-seeking behavior. His frustration actually reflects real intellectual milestones though…it’s clear Ruben understands the interloper poses a threat, but that direct attack on his part will be met with swift and severe consequences. As much as I’d like Ruben to accept and enjoy his little brother, I understand his reticence and can’t blame him.

Of course, Ruben still has a lot to learn. For example, he’s still at an age where he thinks his dad can fix things, asking for dada whenever something is broken. I’m hoping it lasts a few more years before he discovers his dad, though sporty, is a bookish sort.

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Ruben’s rapidly maturing brain, and corresponding verbal skills, also manifest themselves in more heartwrenching ways. The other night he woke up with terrified screams, and was curled up on one side of his crib. When I walked in, he pointed to the other side and repeated “bug! bug! over there!”. Ruben currently oscillates between excitement and terror towards bugs (depending on their movement and trajectory; land-bound stationary good, flying unpredictably bad). We have a bit of a moth problem in the house, so I’m not sure if he actually saw/felt one, or dreamt it. Regardless, he could verbalize what he was afraid of, which wasn’t an issue before. I liked it a lot better when his waking up crying could be attributed to more enigmatic causes.

Parenthood is all about feeling helpless. How do you explain to your two-year old that not all bugs are bad? BEEts me.

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Two videos. First video from DPK, who is visiting and provided her own fail-to-rotate classic. Note K committing the cardinal parenting sin of telling the child what you don’t want them to do (which invariably leads to them doing it).

And second, video of Rohan getting a bath before his Thotil (birth ceremony). Note especially my newfound use of the obnoxious Youtube annotations feature. Best.

Fingers crossed, knocking on wood, and any other anti-jinx caveats noted, Rohan has proven surprisingly easy to manage thus far. We put him to bed around 930pm, and we end up waking him up around 430am to feed. Not a peep out of him during the night. About the only time he cries is when we change his diaper and outfit and need to strip him naked…which is happening multiple times a day because of hyper-regular bowels and/or being “pointed” the wrong way. Even then, he doesn’t cry about being soaked, only about the changing process.

Truth be told, he does fuss some during the day, especially as feeding time approaches. But given the nighttime tranquility (finger, wood, yada yada), I can handle occasional daytime cacophony. And honestly, compared to the traumatic howls of Mr. Ruben’s first several months, I’m finding Rohan’s cries disturbingly unbothersome. Ruben has immunized me to the minor discomforts Rohan may be feeling.

Ruben, on the other hand, is definitely struggling with the adjustment. Rohan’s arrival happens to coincide with Ruben showing an increase in tantrums and otherwise common two-year old behavior, and the divided attention has only served to exacerbate matters. On the bright side though, I am convinced Ruben is really trying to like the idea of a brother–as much as a two year old can do so– in that he is offering to share his cars with Rohan, and often wants to pet and stroke his brother’s head. That the pats often turn to thwacks has more to do with Ruben’s excitability, I think, than any overt malice.

There will be overt malice of course. After all, they are brothers. I’ll just try to mediate until #2 can defend himself. Given his current intake and growth rate, it might not be that far away.

But on the whole Ruben is adjusting as well as can be expected. We’re lucky to have my parents and K’s sis here, which means there’s no shortage of attention-givers for our tasmanian devil.

Anyway, here are selected pics from Rohan’s first week.

Rohan’s first week

Ruben’s alternative title: It’s the end of the world as he knows it…

We vacuumed…er…welcomed Rohan Oliver Krishna into the world on 2 May at 1625. Like his older brother (and old man), his abnormally large head made delivery a challenge, but mama and baby made it through just fine.

There’s no particular story behind the name, though several key points of note:

1. Rohan is pronounced like it’s spelled (rhymes with dawn, or Wrath of Khan).

2. The possibility of being called Han (as in Solo) was not a deciding factor…but it didn’t hurt.

3. Oliver, besides being my German name in conversation class, means he gets the acronym ROK. This too was not a deciding factor…but it didn’t hurt.

4. Rohan in Sanskrit means “ascending”, and Oliver can mean either “Elf Army” or “peace, as in, Olive tree”. Though the peace angle is cool, Ascending Elf Army Krishna is clearly cooler.

5. The possibility of earning premature playground respect with “Don’t mess with the Rohan” was in fact a deciding factor, at least for one of us…

Key stats:
21 inches (54 cm)
8lbs 4 oz (3750 gm)
15.5 inch head circumfrence (39.3 cm)

The Germans often say “Ende gut, alles gut” (all’s well that ends well). The birth was not easy, by any stretch (pun intended). But Kirstin was a superstar through it all. Ruben, Rohan and I are very lucky to have such a wonderful mama.

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Ruben has so far taken the “this is not happening” approach. On some level, I can’t blame him. Allow me to elaborate:

I’m typing this in the hospital room (hooray for wireless), hoping I don’t wake the (currently) slumbering cherub. I’m obviously very excited to have Rohan in my life (I suspect many second-time parents quietly lament how they can possibly have room to love one more. It seems once you meet the new one, you quickly realize, you just do).

On the other hand, I do hope this one sleeps a bit more consistently (to start) than Mr. Ruben. It really was an exhausting and humbling first few months with him. With each whimper and twitch of baby Rohan, I find myself more attracted to Ruben’s “sit in the opposite corner of the room with his cars” approach. Bottom line, I hope this one loves sleep as much as his parents do.

Anyway, new adventures to come. Pics and videos later this week.

Germany is glorious this time of year, with extended sunlight til 10 PM. It almost makes up for the dark and gloomy winter months. I’m not especially affected by the light and dark cycles, but the happy vibe is palpable everywhere. Growing up in a one-season climate, I only now understand all the hoopla over spring.

K is due Friday, and although she’s likened herself to an elephant, at least gestationally, we’re holding out hope of an early birth. I have three close friends whose wives are also due in May, and we have a small bet going on birth order and weight, so I’ve politely asked #2 to please hurry up, and to do some extra situps if he’s already 8lbs 1oz or heavier. It’s all about priorities.

It’s been a while, so running through some noteworthy Ruben moments from the last few months:

We tend to think Ruben doesn’t remember all that much, but his second birthday is clearly burned into his brain. He can now spot cake from 500 yards away, and if I say no, he can’t have any, his retort is “happy TWO”, which is Rubenisch for his second birthday party (which apparently carries over ad infinitum). How can you argue with that?

We use the doctor-prescribed “timeout” method to stop Ruben from unwanted behaviors and situations. While it does work to calm him down during his occasional (but increasing) tantrums, he doesn’t seem to see it as punishment at all. We have him sit in a corner, and he immediately starts picking at the wallpaper and quietly talking and giggling to himself. Yesterday, he threw a car in mock protest, and before K could get a hold of him, he ran to his timeout corner and sat himself down. Sigh.

Ruben has discovered the favorite game of two year old boys– running and screaming. He’s also fascinated with dribbling (bball and soccer both) and kicking. He still is car-crazy, but I can live with that as long as the sports seeds are ripening (sprouting? whatever).

Overall I think we’re very lucky. Ruben is very good-natured, always smiling, with a healthy appetite, consistent sleep habits (doesn’t protest bedtime and still puts away his books and toys! more or less), isn’t really territorial with toys and space, etc. I’m not saying all this to brag, and I have no doubt he’s going to make me eat these words soon for even daring to write them. But since I try to write this for posterity’s sake, it’s only fair to document what a good kid he is. We are lucky.

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The video is from part of our Sunday routine. We go running with the jogging stroller along the river (K walks these days) and then stop at the local playground to give Ruben time to get some energy out. About the only thing to disrupt him from his slide/swing/sand shovel routine are ambulance/police sirens (BEE-BOO in Rubenisch), as you’ll see.

After, we generally enjoy a nice Sunday brunch. It’s all very idyllic…we’ll have to see how things change with (happy) #2.

And yes, the black bars mean I filmed with the digital camera and forgot (again) that I can’t film in portait. Well, I can, but then have to waste time trying to figure out how to rotate, and end up with black bars to preserve the aspect ratio. Just think of it as Ruben, letterbah edition.

Mr. Ruben continues to impress and amaze us. He can repeat most anything now, and you can really see him trying to understand things in more than a cursory way. Wide-eyed doesn’t even begin to describe it.

One recent skill he’s acquired is counting. I’ve dubbed it pseudo-Fibonacci, since he usually enumerates: 1, 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 9.

What’s interesting about the counting is the incremental manner in which Ruben discovers the existence of categories. At first, he was limited to cars and blocks, but he’s now figuring out that any number of things can be defined as a “category”, and can thus be countable. Fascinating how that works.

It’s also interesting that Ruben feels no need to count things in order, even when laid out nicely in front of him by his overbearing father…

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Ruben has also picked up most of his A, B, C’s. His pronunciation is off in a few cases–most adorably with his phlegmy, male pronoun version of “C”–but he’s able to reliably identify and say most letters, presented in order or at random. I’m very pleased. Of course when we try to sit him down and get it on video the result is more overbearing dad with boy who’d rather spin the tiles than perform on command. At least he remembers to end with Z on a high note and continue into “now I know my”…or his version of it. Enjoy:

Ruben is fast approaching birthday number two, and we’re throwing a bday party for him this coming weekend. 4-6 two year olds with toys and sugar. And a cake with a car on it. Simple.

You know it’s interesting. As Ruben has grown older, I’ve grown to like him. I mean, obviously I love him in both a genuine and obligatory sense…he is after all, my son. But as he’s developing a personality and preferences, some aspects of which I may not always enjoy (e.g., the low-level whining), I find myself enjoying spending time with him and looking forward to it. Granted, much of it is watching him get lost in his world of cars, but it’s time spent together nevertheless.

I guess it’s an unanticipated benefit of parenthood. If you’re lucky, you end up with a kid you like, and you get one more buddy to hang out with. I like my buddy.

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Beware of the addictive time waster: Filler

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Have managed to see many of the critically acclaimed movies of the past year this month (thanks internet; sorry movie industry). Quickie thoughts (no particular order):

1. The Wrestler– a fantastic movie, but just like Aronofsky’s last film (Requiem for a Dream), one I don’t think I can sit through ever again. Rourke was indeed Oscar-worthy. And I can’t believe Marisa Tomei is 44.

2. Slumdog Millionaire– ethnic bias aside, my favorite movie of the year. So much fun. I hope it wins.

3. Benjamin Button– aptly renamed by the Sports Guy–Benjamin Snooze Button. Not a terrible movie, but slow and long and so similar to Forrest Gump. How on earth is it getting such good press?

4. Frost/Nixon– very good. Like Slumdog, does a great job of roping you in even when you know how it’s going to end. And Sam Rockwell was born to play the 1970’s.

5. Gran Torino– enjoyable. Clint Eastwood given free reign to use every ethnic slur possible in two hours. The Asian actors gave uneven performances (my view) or bad performances (DPK’s)…though she qualifies that it’s likely an ESL issue…Penelope Cruz syndrome (great in Spanish, bleh in English). But no doubt a good movie; way better than snooze button.

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Nothing too exciting in the following video. Ruben has played with this moving “animal train” for quite some time, but only recently has decided it should obey his verbal and physical commands. Although it’s amusing Ruben doesn’t understand the toy’s limitations, it’s also cool he’s learned that some things are generally responsive to his demands (e.g., parents and relatives). It’s a good life.